mumblings of a humble servant

This past Saturday I had the honor of second shooting for Mrs. Kim Elsner!  She is the admin for a group on Facebook called “Photography Locations Northwest” and its a great place for amateur and professional photographers to share locations.  I look forward to scoping some of them out in person.  Anyway, about a month ago she put up a post saying that she needed a second shooter for this wedding coming up July 30th.  It just so happened I had the day free and could do it.  I emailed her and she wrote back saying she liked my work and would love to have me come along!!  EEK!  Since my first official wedding is this coming Saturday the timing couldn’t be better to gets some hands on experience.

For those of you who are wondering what a second shooter does its as follows: i’m there to make sure we get all the important, only one chance kind of shots.  The theory is that if, for whatever reason, the main shooter doesn’t get a shot of say the first kiss at the alter, I (hopefully:)) would have gotten the shot.  I also get to take pictures of all the before/after stuff and just get a different angle and what not.   Kim said I didn’t have to edit them.  I just give them to her and she edits them and then gives them to the bride and groom to have.  My name still gets to be on my work too:)  I did, however, decide to edit some because they were just such a fun couple and I want these for my portfolio.  There are like a guhzillion pictures to go through so these are just the first of my favorites.  I will probably have a least one more post, maybe two of my faves.  Please let me know what you think!!

The rings:)

the putting on of the veil by the bridesmaid

The first look:)

Isn't she gorgeous??

BAM: Model

a cute peek at them while they wait for the next location

The brides father was a photographer so this girl knows how to wield a camera!! She wanted to take a picture of her cute shoes:)

LOVE....

SHOES! All the groomsmen wore converse:)

And as a special sneak peek: the next batch of wedding party pictures were taken with this hay bale! Can't wait to go edit those!!!!

ACK!  10 hours worth of work but it was SOO great!  It makes me super excited for the wedding of Sarah Brown and Nate Tuckness next weekend!  More to come!

I HATE these kinds of scales….absolutely HATE them!  They are so inaccurate and difficult to read!  This is what we have at the gym.  Now I KNOW my weight doesn’t matter but if I’m going to weigh myself I’d like it be at least a little definitive so I can get an idea of where I’m at LOL.  So… I weighed myself yesterday after a great Zumba workout and I lost…..DRUMROLL PLEASE:

5 pounds!

I was excited because the scale reflected how I’ve been feeling.  I believe I’m averaging about a pound a week right now which is healthy I’ve heard.  Now….I’m not sold on that being the norm because again: I know as soon as I start letting the scale determine how I feel and if i’m victorious it will cease to go down in numbers lol.  I just wanted to fill you guys in on the update:)  Keep up the good work ladies!

So no, I don’t have another confession.  I just realized it’s been a while since I wrote that blog and I should fill you in the progress I’m making on this journey to crave God more than food.

Well…its safe to say it hasn’t been any easy road so far.  Its been filled with doubt, frustration, feeling like its not fair, annoyed, hungry, anxiousness, feeling lonely and well, you get the picture.  But its also been equally filled with feeling strong, victory, determination, power that comes from Christ, being full, feeling satisfied and comforted by God, not food.

Its a daily struggle.  An hourly struggle.  A by-the-minute struggle.  A moment by moment struggle.  Sometimes I’m really strong and feel empowered by eating what I can have and not wanting what I shouldn’t have.  But other moments I’m feeling so weak and wishing I could just indulge in something crazy yummy until I throw up! lol.

This journey has been eye opening.  I have a lot of personal things going on right now and I’m SOOOOO grateful to have started this journey and commitment BEFORE a rough season hit.  I can easily say I would have given up.  I would have turned back to unhealthy choices to comfort me, make me feel better and in control.  But now I feel so strengthened knowing that I don’t need those things to comfort me and I’ve learned the lie that, in fact, they wouldn’t comfort me but make me feel WORSE in the long run.

I’m excited to say that its been about about 6 weeks since I’ve had anything labeled “sweet.”  If you know me you know this is a BIG deal!  honestly I didn’t think I could EVER go that long without it.  I would eat sweets without even thinking.  I almost always regretted eating sweet things later, mostly because I knew what it was doing to my body.  I feel so strong in that area.  Granted, I still am tempted to lick the bowl when making brownies for a church potluck and I certainly still want a candy bar when I’m in line at the grocery store, but those things don’t have a hold on me the way they did.  I know I can eat one if I want: its not a sin.  But the question I have to ask myself is “is this beneficial to my body?”  Right now, the thought of drinking a milkshake makes my stomach hurt…as I know it would make it hurt if I did it.  That is God-victory ladies.

I’ve been doing pretty well with what I eat lately too.  I’m still learning what things are healthy and what things are KINDA healthy and what things just plain aren’t.  I was almost ashamed to say that I didn’t know that all breads but wheat and multi-grains turn to sugar in your body!  no wonder I started eating more of it when I cut out sweets!  I know I still have a ways to go in this area but I’m so thankful to my accountability partner as she knows LOTS of healthy things and gave me a book to read (I haven’t started it yet though):

WOW!  I want abs like that!  Anyway, this book seems really empowering and like it could be a great companion to Made to Crave.

I do want to say something about accountability.  This has made ALL the difference in the world.  I would have quit a LONG time ago, like day 3 if I didn’t have this woman of God meeting with me faithfully, calling me out on my sins, praying with me, encouraging me, and loving me.  Ladies, this will literally make or break your success in my opinion.  I know some of you who have been strong enough to do this on your own but for a lot of us it takes having someone to push you when you want to give up.  And I’m eternally grateful for this committed sister.

So recently we also started a “mock” study of the book Made to Crave.  It is a 6 week DVD/Workbook study with 7 ladies from church.  We hoped to go through it to see how it would fare as a Sunday morning class and man I’m excited about this!  The workbook has you doing short lessons everyday and that is so great because lets face it: this is an everyday battle!  I can’t wait to see this transform our church in the fall!  Be praying about if this would be something for you.

I also took my first Zumba class!!!  Yeah this is what I look like doing it:

only less colorful :}

I absolutely LOVE this class!  I have been meaning to try it at our gym but just haven’t been able to.  The other morning I was almost done working out when I heard upbeat music and lots of screaming coming from the big room.  It was the Zumba class and I thought “they are messing up and having a blast!  I gotta try this class!”  So I looked up when the next one was and went!  Its 60 minutes long and I just discovered our gym offers it 5 times a week!  I can only make it to 3 but that would put me up to where I’d like to be working out wise.  And its such a good workout.  I can’t believe I haven’t tried it sooner.  Duh!  I love to dance so why wouldn’t I do this???  Anyway, I look forward to learning sweet new dance moves as well as burning off major calories and getting stronger.

Okay the question I’m sure is on everyone’s mind: have you lost any weight?  While this isn’t about losing weight, in theory it should naturally happen if I’m eating better and working out.  I have been making it a point to weigh myself occasionally at the gym but reminding myself that the scale doesn’t reflect my effort.  You can do everything right in this journey and not necessarily lose weight.  I just know I FEEL better than I have in a long time.  So…I didn’t weigh myself at the beginning, as you know.  But last time I weighed myself (2 weeks ago) I had lost 3 pounds.  Its a slow fade (that should be a song:)) and I’m thankful that it won’t disappoint me if its not happening fast.  And actually, if it happened fast I’m not sure I’d end up keeping it off.  Because I have to work hard at this and its a lifestyle change I hope that it will be a lasting change.  So yeah, I will probably weigh myself tonight (ZUMBA CLASS!!!!) just to see if anything has changed.  But again, i’m trying to make it a point to let my clothes determine how I’m doing, and how I feel physically: and thats great!

Oh yeah, and I successfully made it through several potlucks, catered events, birthday parties and celebrations without giving it to temptations!  This is a testimony of God strength for sure!!!

Well I think I’ve rambled on enough.  I’m sorry if this doesn’t all make sense.  I kind of wrote it off the cuff.  I also pray it encourages you to continue seeking God more than food.  I know you are strong women in the Lord who can do anything with Christ!  Let me know what you think!!!

For the first time since probably Christmas…or even really before that: All my siblings were together for Father’s Day!  It just kind of worked out schedule wise and they were all there with significant others in tow (minus kevin:(  ).  I had already decided I wanted to get some couple pictures and such while we were all together so I let sean know we’d be taking pictures and he showed up with his Mark II!  We had such a great time wandering around the neighborhood in the a photographic entourage (dad/melody with their camera, sean, and I).  We were cracking up as I’d direct the subjects and then it’d be followed by dad or sean or both saying “yeah put your leg like that, like she said.”  LOL!  What fun we had!  I also decided that Sean and I make an excellent team and if ever there is the chance for him to second shoot for me I will take it!  Anyway, here are a few of our shots:)

Blue steele

-kevo

Haselden eyes...

Photography face

hidden photography face

more photography face

gotta have some foot poppage

So there you have it.  My family rocks.  Nuff said.

Liz Lindsey, or as she is known around the Starbucks arena: Liz Lemon, is a good friend of mine.  We began working together at Starbucks probably 2 years ago…wow time flies!  We instantly hit it off as she is such a sweet person you can’t help but love her.  We had a common love of our husbands and a love for God that really bonded us together.  We worked  A LOT of 4:30am shifts together which gave us time to realize how much we have in common.  We share a lot of the same views and morals which really helped us feel at ease together.  When I was starting out my photography, her husband Tyler was so gracious to let me shoot them as a couple.  They are so beautiful inside and out and Tyler and Ken have quickly become friends.  Recently they had a new addition to the family: Jasper.  And so I became an auntie:).  I needed a model for a “mock” photoshoot and she instantly came to mind.  It was short notice and she was able to do it!  It turns out that Liz never really got to have Senior pictures done.   Better late than never!  So we met up and were blessed by the most gorgeous lighting!  I usually prefer sunshine and was hoping to get some sunbursts through the trees but was so excited with what we had….I didn’t even miss the sun.  So here are some of my favorites (and it was hard to choose!):

Jasper!!!

Wittle Waspy

So here she is.   I think she is gorgeous inside and out.  I hope you guys enjoy them!

I can’t even contain myself!!!  I set up a mock photo shoot with my friend (I was going to be shadowed but it didn’t work out) and we had such a blast.  I will post more when I get done with them but they were too good not to post a sneak preview!

That's Jasper: he's my nephew.

Liz and Waspy:)

She has such an amazing style! I was so excited when she stepped out of the car!

Isn't she GORGEOUS!

I am so blessed, honored, humbled to call Liz my friend.  She is so loving, selfless, a good listener…I could go on and on lol.  Anyway, here are a few to tide you over:)

I had the privilege of photographing the Maycumber family.  I was grieved to hear that one of my fellow church members and friend Jill Foster had lost her mother.  But the family rejoiced, knowing she isn’t in pain anymore and rejoicing in heaven!  We never know when our time will be but with the passing of family means the gathering together of family.  Jill’s family is great, spunky, gentle, loving, and kind.  In my short time of hanging out with them before the memorial I could really see the love of God in them as a whole.  I’m sure its been a bit since they’ve seen each other but they interacted as if no time had passed.  They reminded me of my family a lot.  With that said, here are a few of my favorites:)

He was so cute! This is him pretending to take a picture!

This is Aunt Bets. She was really funny and adorable.

The Cousins:)

That last one is a picture of the grandkids.  They were all so gracious.  I was a bit nervous at first, knowing that this would be the day of their Mom, Grandma, Aunt’s memorial.  But they were such a joy and were still able to smile….knowing Shirley is with her savior.  Thank you Maycumbers, for allowing me to experience this day with you in a special way.

I have a confession.

I have sin in my life.

I’ve ignored it until recently.

I need to confess this.

I know I’m not alone in this struggle.

Okay here goes:

I crave food more than I crave God.

Until recently, I have pushed this under the rug.  Growing up I had a high metabolism and played a lot of sports and could eat whatever I want so this sin was easy to hide…even from myself.  I had a skateboarding accident 5 years ago and everything went downhill from there.  I stopped exercising.  I started eating horribly.  My metabolism slowed down.  It would seal the fate of showing my condition outwardly.  Since being married almost 4 years ago, I’ve gained more weight then I care to share in this candid blog.

I noticed the weight gain but it was so slow that it was easy to push aside.  I quickly began not feeling comfortable in my clothes.  I was depressed that I was going up in sizes of clothing.  But I kept it to myself.  It’s a weird feeling, being the “biggest” one in your group of friends.  I never, ever, in a million years thought this would happen to me.  I know I sound shallow right now; it’s not like I thought less of people who were the size that I am now.  Nor do I think that I am morbidly obese.  But I know I have let myself go.  And it makes me sick.

I have always maintained a good attitude about life.  I try to always be positive.  I try not to be the person that constantly brings up her weight i.e. “I look so fat today,” “I am such a cow,” and things like that.  But those recordings still play in my head and I just don’t say them out loud.

Now I’ve tried to fix this problem.  On my own.  I’ve tried “diets.”  Not real extensively but I’ve tried to do modified versions of meta-fast and portion control.  I’ve tried fasting.  Yeah, love food to much to go more than a few days with that one.  I’ve tried exercising.  A lot.  But I would only go hardcore for like, 2 weeks and then I would find every excuse not to go to the gym.  I’m very impatient.  If I don’t see results right away, I’m over it.  Oh, and I cheated on those diets.  A lot.

I have this voice in my head that can justify ANY type of food.

• “I’ll start tomorrow.”
• “It’s only a little bit.”
• “No one will know.”
• “I’ll start next week.”
• “It’s just this one time.”
• “This is a special day/occasion/event.”

You get the point.  I can go to these scripts, rationalizations, and excuses anytime I want.  They always work.  I can lie to everyone and myself.  Except my hips don’t lie (that should be a song).  Or my stomach.  Or my arms.  Or my chin(s).  And I can’t lie to God.  I try, trust me.  I try to rationalize with Him.  But He knows.  And I’m ashamed.

So what prompted this tell-all blog, you ask?  The need for change.  A sister in Christ.  And a book.

Now before you walk away scoffing at me, thinking “yeah I bet she’s said this before,” let me explain.  This time is different.

It’s different because my heart and understanding of this sin is different.  For one, I never saw it as sin before.  But it is.  It’s something I hold up more than God.  It’s something I think about more than God.  It’s something I crave more than Him.  So it is sin.  It’s a sin that is so easy to get away with.  My drug of choice is provided for me at every church function, every family gathering, when I go to the grocery store.  If a friend walked by my cart and saw it heaping with junk food I’d wager my life that they would never say ANYTHING to confront me in my sin.  I wouldn’t to someone else in the same situation.  “Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them.” (Ephesians 5:11).  So yeah, it’s sin.

Also, I’m realizing it’s not a physical issue (well I mean it is), it’s a spiritual issue.  I’ve tried to do this on my own when I needed God to help me.  He has to be the center of this or it becomes a pride issue and all about me instead of Him.  I also understand I need accountability.  God has provided me with a wonderful sister in Christ to take this journey with me…in fact she is the one who really started me on this journey to begin with.

About six weeks ago she asked me if I’d heard of the book “Made to Crave” by Lysa Terkeurst.  I said, “No, but it sounds good!”  She started to tell me briefly about the stuff I mentioned above and I could feel God tugging at my heart, “Child, this is meant for you.  Take it.  It will draw us closer together.”  She said she had an extra copy and had been praying about whom to give it to and I was on her heart.  So I took it.  And set it aside.

Its funny how we avoid the things we know we should do.  And we do the things we really shouldn’t…hmmm I feel like I’ve heard that somewhere before…”For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I want to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.” (Romans 7:15)

So I finally picked up the book, after much trepidation, and began reading.  Instantly I knew I needed this.  I knew it was right.  Everything she spoke of was how I was feeling or had felt at some point.  You know when you get that feeling, like you’ve had a revelation, a light bulb moment, so life can never be the same again?  It was that feeling.  The following thoughts are a mixture of my own and from the book.

Definition of Craving: something you long for, want greatly, desire eagerly, and beg for.

Now consider this expression of craving: “How lovely is Your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!  My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God” (Psalm 84: 1-2)

We were created to feel this way towards God.  But we allow food, sex, money, chasing after significance etc, to fulfill this yearning, desire, and longing.  And it’s not something new.

Eve was tempted by food.

Esau was tempted by food.

JESUS was tempted by food.

We crave what we focus on.  We consume what we think about.  And what we think about can consume us if we’re not careful.

Jesus set a beautiful example of breaking this vicious cycle.  He quoted God’s Word.  With each temptation, without hesitation, Jesus quoted Scripture that refuted Satan’s temptation.

So here are some things I’m doing practically to kick this thing in the head (metaphorically, but if it was something I could physically kick in the head….I would):

Truth is powerful.  I want more of it in my life.  I have to have more of it in my life.  I am going to write out scripture that will encourage me to make better choices and seek God in some key places in my life.  On my fridge.  My bathroom mirror.  My cabinets.  In my purse.  And in my wallet.

Here are a few of my new mantras:

• “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Corinthians 6:12) I can eat everything that I want, but is it really beneficial to my body to have candy all day, eat an unhealthy dinner, and then top it off with ice cream?  No.  Its not.  Those are empty calories and they cause me to crave more of them, and less of God.
• “We reap what we sow” (paraphrased from Galatians 6:7-10).  Do I want to reap good benefits for my body or do I want to be tired all the time, gain weight, and feel uncomfortable?
• “If its not part of my plan, it doesn’t go in my mouth.”  She talks about getting on a healthy eating plan and having that accountability partner to help you stay on it.  My plan is strict.  I know it has to be.  Because if it isn’t, I will slip back into my old habits and make excuses.  I look forward to the day when I can have ice cream because I don’t crave it and it won’t own me.  The plan isn’t a diet.  It’s a new lifestyle for eating.  I know someday I will be able to make special allowances in my life to eat fun things, but it can never become a daily thing, or it will rule me.

I am reading this book.  Over and over.  Everyday if I have to.  I will meet with my sister in Christ weekly to discuss temptations, pitfalls, failures, and victories.  I will be honest with her.  Even if it hurts my pride.  We will also discuss this book.

I’ve made a healthy eating plan.  Basically it consists of the things I will not eat.  Some of these items include: candy, sweets, ice cream, bad fast food (I can have like salads and grilled chicken things), no deep fried foods, and you get the picture.  Now this doesn’t mean that this is what everyone’s “give up” list should look like…it’s what I struggle with.  So, as a friend, if you see me eating these things, first slap it out of my hand, and then slap me in the face.  LOL.  Okay maybe not that harsh but lovingly ask me if what I’m eating is included in my healthy eating plan.  Because if its not, it shouldn’t go in my mouth.

So why am I telling you all this?  First, so you can pray for me.  I know as soon as I post this blog and people begin to read it, I will be SLAMMED with temptations because Satan doesn’t want women to be freed from this.  Second, I blog this because I believe I’m not alone in how I feel.  I want this blog to encourage some of you out there that you can stop this cycle.  You don’t have to feel helpless.  I don’t do this so I can lose weight (although that will be a nice perk!!) but I do it because I need to love and rely on God more than I love and rely on food.  I want my life to be different.  I want to feel good in my clothes.  I want to give God all that I am and never crave anything more than I crave Him.  So what do you say?  If you struggle with this, will you join me??

If you’re on the fence about it…let me just say:

You were made for more than this.

You were made for victory.

You are more than being ruled by your taste buds.

You were made to be a child of God.

You were made to love God.

You were made to crave God.

Be encouraged, dear sister.  You are not alone.

(I will probably blog about this more and try to keep readers posted on my journey.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  So stay tuned for more.)

Alright people, this is your time to get a great deal!  I’m running a deal for Sarah Ramak Photography for the month of May!  If you book a session to take place in May, you get $75 off the normal fee!!!!  Here is what it includes:

Lifestyle Session Fee: $125 (normally $200!!!)

(Seniors, kids, engagements, family, maternity)
-1-1.5 hour on location shoot
-As many outfit changes as you want in that time frame.
-15-25 retouched images on a high resolution disc.
-Full rights to print as many of the prints as you want, as you own the disc.
-Images will be ready no later than 3 weeks after date of session.

I was excited to be asked by a senior from Gervais High School to be job shadowed as a photographer but I don’t have any sessions booked by the time he needs his hours.  So you’d be helping out a local senior AND you get some great pictures at a great price!  Remember, you get the disc with all the edited photos INCLUDED in the sitting fee.  The summer time is a great time of year to get your Senior pictures, family Christmas card pictures, engagement pictures, and anything else you can think of.  In Oregon we are really limited with the weather so be thinking ahead for special occasions that you might want pictures for: now is the time to do it!

Here are the rules:

• Email me, Facebook me, text me whatever to tell me you’re interested.  I will then email you a contract to look over.
• You’re photo shoot must be booked in the month of May.
• You must give a $75 fee up front to secure your date.  This fee goes towards the $125.  The final payment can be made the day of the photo shoot.

Don’t waste time on this offer!  May will be over before you know it!  Thanks guys!

I know its been a while since I’ve posted about the Photo Directory project for MVCC.  I can safely say the directory is done and published!  YAY!  Now we are onto the stage of ordering pictures!!  Here are some of my favorites…they win this award based on creativity and style.  Enjoy!

They are just so cute!

I did a shoot with Natalia and her girls a while back...these are pretty hilarious!

I just can't get over how adorable this theme is!

they are so cute!

Okay this one is just for fun while warming up the camera...but I love it!

I LOVE this original idea!

yeah thats right...they did this all on their own....and they DO rock!

These ladies are so fun!

'nuff said...

Well there you have it!  We had a blast but we are glad its over!  I’m so blessed to be a part of such a fun church!

(if you are in one of these pictures, please note that it is not legal to download, save, and keep these.  Thank you for your understanding.)